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… I want to sleep as  long as I like, and get up and do what I like.  I often think of life before we had children, when apart from holding down a job, life could be as undisciplined as you liked.  Eating out, seeing friends and films and theatre whenever we wanted, letting dishes pile up in the sink and leaving housework undone.  Well, the last two things are still happening, but having children makes it necessary to  try and maintain a minimal level of cleanliness…  Now life seems to call for a more regimented approach, to try and fit in with feeding and sleeping routines.  We are forced to turn into, if not our own parents, someone else’s parents.  Grown-ups.  Now of course this is all a very small price to pay for having three wonderful new people in your life, and the myriad joys this can bring.  But it can be very overwhelming trying to meet the needs of these precious little ones, and maintain the semblance of an organised life.  How I yearn for a tidy, well organised house, thoughtfully planned and prepared meals from the freshest seasonal ingredients, cheerful family outings and day trips, time to make things.  But these things are for people who’ve had more than 4 hours sleep in a row at a time.  I know that as the babies get older, time will free up a bit and energy levels will be regained.  And I know that I’m not alone.  Graceful acceptance that things can’t be “perfect”.   A kind of surrendering to family.  I’m trying to look at what life offers without expectations of how things should be and focus on the important things. 

Recently, a choice between helping construct a lego pirate ship, or cook dinner.  I chose the former and ordered pizza.  I know I can’t do this all the time, but it was a refreshing letting-go of (some) responsibility and joyful re-capturing of childish delights.  And that’s one of the great things about having children in your life – sometimes you can forget you are a grown-up for a moment.

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